THE Food to Fill Up On for Food Freedom and Weight Loss

This transcript is lightly edited for readability.

I am Edie Feffer, and welcome to Anchored — a show for women who are committed to living a life where everything they do and are begins with self-trust. They're unshakable in their truth, rooted in their emotional well-being, and steady in their commitment to self-love and body love. That is what it means to be anchored. Our conversations dive deep into all aspects of health and wellness, from food freedom and spirituality to routines and relationships. This is where you come to stay grounded.

Hello. It has been a while since I have podcasted, and I'm so happy to be back. I have been more quiet here and on my social media, and it's for a good reason: my health. I am excited to share what this phase of my health journey has looked like. I have been filling up on primary food in a big, big way. I was starving for it.

I want to talk to you about the surprising impact that being more focused on one area in particular of my primary food has had on my health. It has created another transformation, and it's had such a positive impact on my mental and emotional health.

I want to teach on primary food in this episode. To start, I'll share an overview of what primary food is and what secondary food is, and I'll give you examples of how this has created such a meaningful change in my personal life.

Our health is affected by so much more than just the food that we eat. It's affected by all of the things that help you live a more rich, fulfilling, balanced life. When I teach and coach on food, because we're taking a holistic approach to your health, we're looking at your primary food and your secondary food.

Primary food is the "food" that nourishes you that isn't on your plate. It is all of the enriching aspects of life that feed you on a soul level. It's things like your relationships, your spirituality, your career, your home environment. There are 12 pillars to your primary food, and I'll list them out for you here:

1. Spirituality
2. Creativity
3. Finances
4. Career
5. Education
6. Health
7. Physical activity
8. Home cooking
9. Home environment
10. Relationships
11. Social life
12. Joy

Secondary food is the food that you eat to fuel your body. From a coaching perspective, when we're working on secondary food together, I'm teaching and coaching on topics like blood sugar balance, the hunger scale, clean eating, meal planning and prep.

And we're also coaching on primary food. Oftentimes, if there's an imbalance in your primary food, we can see that it impacts your relationship with secondary food. As an example, if you're not experiencing a lot of joy in your life — in that particular pillar of your primary food — it's very easy to want to turn to secondary food to fill that void.

I always say that awareness is the first step to food freedom. For me, having an understanding of this concept of primary food and secondary food was so very freeing, because it's allowed me to be onto my brain, my thoughts, my feelings and choices, in a deeper, more structured way.

An example I can share, from when my primary food was out of balance and I noticed myself turning to secondary food to fill up, is during COVID. There were times where I'd be standing in front of my pantry, not even realizing that, hey, I'm not actually hungry — I just am incredibly bored. I was lacking nourishment in several pillars of my primary food because of how isolated we all were. I wasn't filling up on joy as much as I am now. I wasn't filling up on the relationship pillar of my primary food. And so I was able to ask myself: is this a true secondary hunger need, or am I hungry for primary food?

I could coach on this part of primary food and secondary food for hours. I talk about how the growth is always in the gaps. It's in these micro-moments where you're able to slow down and create these intimate check-ins with yourself — to have a conversation like I just described. Am I actually hungry for a secondary food, or is this perhaps a primary food need?

To continue on with today's intention of talking about primary food: everything that we consider as nutrition, when we're thinking about this in the context of primary food and secondary food, is really just a secondary source of energy. I want to repeat that, because it can take a moment for this concept to sink in. Everything that we consider as nutrition — as our secondary food — is really just a secondary source of energy.

An example of this that I love to share: think back to your childhood. Do you remember what it was like when you were a kid? I do. I'd be playing outside with my brother and my sister. We'd be digging in the dirt in the front yard. And my mom would come out to call us in for dinner, and I would argue back — "But I'm not hungry yet. I want to stay outside. Can we just have five more minutes to play?"

I was so excited about my primary food. That's where my focus was. And at the dinner table, we would eat the minimally acceptable amount of food so that we could rush back out to play outside before it got dark.

You can see in that example that I wasn't hyper-fixating on my secondary food. Yes, the food that I eat to fuel my body is giving me energy and nourishing me, of course. But I'm so filled up in this example, and energized by my primary food — by connecting with my siblings outside, by the joy that I experienced in being in nature and playing.

To take that a step further: at the end of the day, when it was time to go to bed, I'd be laying in bed thinking about how much fun I had playing outside. I'd be reflecting on my primary food. I wasn't laying there thinking about my food choices during the day. I wasn't beating myself up for any secondary food decisions.

The other way that we can start to see the difference between primary food and secondary food, and how interconnected they are, is if you think back to a time in your life when you felt down or depressed, or when you were navigating a difficult disruptor. Did you ever find yourself standing in front of the fridge looking for secondary food, but nothing sounded good? I can think back to periods in my life where I was going through a difficult transition, or where I felt pain or sadness, or when I was depressed. I'd be in the fridge, and nothing sounded good. What I actually needed was primary food. I needed a hug, or someone to talk to. In that example, secondary food wasn't going to make me feel better.

When you're filling up on primary food, you're thriving. And your secondary food — the food you actually eat — stays secondary. It is giving you the support to be healthy so that you can do the things that you love, so that you can fill up and be active with your primary food.

Personally, I've noticed that the more primary food I receive, the less focused I am on secondary food. And secondary food, to be clear, is something that I prioritize, because I care about the way I'm fueling my body. But as I receive nourishment from a career that lights me up, as I'm feeling connected to the people that I love within the relationship pillar of my primary food, as I'm expressing my creativity with clothes that I love or hobbies or classes that are inspiring me — the less dependent I am on secondary food as a means to receive pleasure or to help soothe me.

This is something that I think anyone who has dealt with emotional eating, binge eating, or stress eating could relate to. We can start to see how it's all interconnected. Taking a step back allows you to start to spot patterns in multiple areas of your life, so that rather than treating a symptom, we can start to get to the root cause of what will help you feel healthier and happier, and help heal your relationship with food.

This is why I believe it comes down to so much more than just a focus on learning about blood sugar balance, or clean eating, or meal planning, or meal prep, or how to work the hunger scale. All of that is so important, and it's a part of the equation. But the primary food focus unlocked such a new, exciting level in my food freedom journey, and I've seen it be the click factor for many of the women that I coach.

This whole concept is something that I learned about when I was getting my health coach certification through the Institute for Integrative Nutrition. I always want to give credit to the organizations or books or people who have influenced the way I teach and coach, or who have helped me in my own health journey. I remember that when I learned this, it was this major aha moment — like I said earlier, a click factor moment, where it took my food freedom to an entirely new level.

I had already lost weight. I had already found peace with food when I was getting my certification. But I always say that with each year that passes, my food freedom just continues to get better and better. It gets better as I learn more about myself. It gets better through continued education. It gets better as I continue to strengthen the connection that I have with my body, and to understand myself better when I reflect on the past with this new information, or this new concept.

What's wild to me is that I've shared as a part of my health history that I overcame anorexia and bulimia that started when I was just a young girl in middle school. What's interesting to me is that I had a good team of support who helped me get better, and that part of my journey was so nutrition focused. Primary food, especially at that time, was not a big part of the conversation. This is not a knock on anyone in particular, because all of these people played a critical role in helping me get to where I am today. It was all so valuable, and I'm thankful for the support that I had.

I had to hit a certain weight to be allowed to go to college, and I did that, but I still had very disordered eating. In my twenties, that's when my binge eating resurfaced, and I wanted to get better desperately. I knew the pattern that I was in. I wanted to stop, but at that time food felt so very out of control.

When I look back on how I was able to change my relationship with food, how I was able to release 30 pounds in a body-loving way, how I've been able to live in a state of food freedom for the past nine years — a big piece of the puzzle was folding primary food into the equation. This is why I always say that lasting weight loss comes down to so much more than just food and movement.

I didn't have the terminology for primary food back in my twenties, but in hindsight, as I reflect on all of this, that is what I started to evaluate. There are several steps that I teach and coach on specific to emotional eating or binge eating. It can be layered. It can be complex. It looks different for everyone. Again, this is only one piece of the puzzle, but it was a key one for me.

Now that you have an understanding of primary food and secondary food, I want to catch you up to where I am today with it. What's so fun to me about health and wellness is that this journey doesn't stop. It's not like once you reach your weight loss goal, you're there. As you continue to learn and grow and evolve, so will your relationship with food — both primary food and secondary food.

This season of life has been so fun and so expansive and so exciting. From a primary food perspective, I've been having aha moments and realizations around a few pillars of my primary food that I've never experienced before, and that's what I want to share with you.

So I moved back to Arizona in February. I spent three months in Mérida, Mexico on my me-moon — like a solo honeymoon — and before that I lived in San Diego, California for 12 years. This move home to Phoenix has been so good for my health. It's touched several pillars of my primary food: my relationships, my home environment, my joy, my creativity. It feels so good to be closer to family. In terms of joy, I'm getting to do special activities, like go to my niece and nephew's swim lessons. I got to spend Saturday night with my sister. I get to cook for my family, who I've missed so, so much.

There is one particular area of my primary food that's had a surprising impact on my mental and emotional health, and that's the one that I want to talk to you about today. I completely underestimated it. And that is my home environment.

When I look back on my time in San Diego, I can see how my home environment was negatively affecting my health, my mindset, and my emotional well-being. I lived in my condo in San Diego for the whole 12 years that I was there. It's a great home. I am thankful for it. But I did not love it. Not because anything's wrong with it — it just wasn't the right fit for me, especially at that time. It was a very rushed decision. And because I was so eager to get out of it from really the day that I moved into it, I never fully made it my home. I didn't decorate it, because I thought that this would be a short-term situation. So I never really settled in. And I lived there for 12 years.

It makes me sad to think about the headspace that I was in for over a decade with my home environment. Energetically, that's not healthy. I wasn't focused on enjoying the present, because I was fantasizing about my future — how it will be better when.

So when I made the decision to move to Arizona, I made this promise to myself that I wasn't willing to settle. I wasn't willing to rush through this process. I wanted to take my time to find a space that I loved, and I wanted to make it an extension of me. I wanted this space to reflect my personality, and I wanted to cultivate a home environment that I wanted to be in — that felt like it was fostering health and creativity and inspiration.

And that's exactly how this feels. I have never loved a home more than the one I'm in now. It is wild to me how I feel so different on a day-to-day basis. I feel like I'm vibrating at a higher level because of how nourishing my home environment is.

And it's not just about the space that I'm in. I'm buying pieces that I love. I'm decorating it with fun art. I wake up and love where I am. I love this community. It feels vibrant and bright and healthy and happy. And I'm not allowing myself to take 12 years to decorate it. I want to feel good now. This is an example of how I'm no longer allowing myself to sit in waiting mode.

It may sound so silly, but there is nothing in here that I don't like. As an example, I even got rid of my silverware holder last week. It was this ugly plastic thing — so basic — but I replaced it with a prettier bamboo one. So every time I open my silverware drawer, three times a day, I'm creating thoughts like: I love seeing this pretty bamboo silverware holder.

Because I feel so happy in this space, I've noticed the ripple effect that it has had on other pillars of my primary food. As you increase your satisfaction in one pillar of your primary food, you'll notice that the others start to rise with it. This is why, when I coach with clients on this, we pick one pillar of your primary food that we want to bring our attention to first.

As an example, I've been focused on my home environment, and as I've put my attention there, I've noticed that my relationship pillar of my primary food is better than it's ever been. Because I'm entertaining more. I'm having my friends over. I'm having my family over. That part of my life feels much more healthy and balanced. I never entertained when I lived in San Diego. I led a very private, isolated life. Getting to be around my childhood friends here more, having my family over more, getting hugs from my niece and nephew on a regular basis — all of that has been so healing.

So I encourage you to reflect now on the 12 pillars of primary food. Pick one to focus on, and think about what is one small step that you can take to make progress with this area of your health. I'll list them out again for you here, so that you can start to think: which one do I want to focus on first?

1. Spirituality (this looks different for everyone)
2. Creativity
3. Finances
4. Career
5. Education
6. Health
7. Physical activity
8. Home cooking
9. Home environment
10. Relationships
11. Social life
12. Joy

To close, I have two thoughts that I want to share with you. I was just telling a girlfriend on the phone the other night that now that I'm in a home that I love, I'm complete with the move for the rest of 2024. I'm focused on what I am calling the two R's. The two R's are rest and relationships. This is very different from the three R's that I coach on — the three R's are your routines, your rituals, and your rhythms. That could be a topic for another day; it's a fun one.

But for me, the two R's are rest and relationships. I burned myself out in 2023, and I've given myself permission recently to be committed to the two R's: to rest, to recover, to fill up on relationships. I haven't been cranking out as much content, which I love doing, and I've let that be okay — which for me hasn't been easy.

I am, as you know, somewhat of a perfectionist. That's been something I've worked on letting go of in all aspects of my life. I had to do it with food to be able to release weight in a body-loving way, and in a way that was sustainable. I always say messy, imperfect action is what creates results. So to me, it feels like I'm practicing what I preach here, which is progress over perfection. I have known this to be true with weight loss and with business. I'm not going to let it be a problem that I haven't been here weekly, even though I really want to be — and that's my goal, that's what I'm working toward. I'm putting support in place to be able to show up here as often as I want to, to be able to connect with you, and to be able to be more balanced in 2024 with my primary food.

I trust that this message is finding you now at just the right time, and know that I'm super happy to be back to podcasting.

If you enjoyed this episode, please do me a favor and rate it. Your reviews will help me help more people. And if you'd like my support in your health journey, you can head to my website at ediefeffer.com, where you can check out the different ways that we can work together. You can also come hang out with me on Instagram — I'm @ediefeffer. Thanks for listening.